Table of Contents & Introduction
Lesson One: The Steadfast Love of the Lord
Lesson Two: In a Dry and Weary Land
Lesson Three: He Is Our Hiding Place
Lesson Four: Within the Veil
Lesson Five: Blessed Are Those Who Mourn
Lesson Six: Love One Another
Lesson Seven: Our God Is an Awesome God
: Suggestions for Leading This Bible Study for a Small Group
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Our sincere thanks to the following:
The men who have told us of their sorrow, frustration, anger, and guilt. Their questions and concerns have prompted the writing of this Bible study.
To Larry Quattrocchi, who has a heartfelt concern for post-abortion men, and volunteered to lead the first Silent Sorrow Bible study.
To the men, who by field-testing this study, not only saw God’s work in their own lives, but paved the way for other men to learn of God’s forgiveness, comfort, love, and peace.
Serendipity House for encouraging many thousands to search and study the Scriptures, and for permission to reprint previously published group questions.
Excerpts are from Serendipity New Testament for Groups.
Copyright 1986 by Serendipity House (denoted with an *),
Box 1012, Littleton, Colorado 80160.
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My own experience with abortion came through my wife who aborted a child, fathered by another man, prior to our courtship. Although I knew about Pam’s abortion before our relationship began, abortion had not yet affected me in any personal way. I’d known a woman who was in a crisis pregnancy and had chosen to give birth to her son. I knew Pam who had chosen to abort hers. Big deal.
Then in 1983, after eleven years of marriage, God prompted Pam to write a book, Abortion’s Second Victim, chronicling her abortion story. Before sending it to the publisher, Pam asked me to read the manuscript. It was only then that tears began to flow as I realized for the very first time the devastation that is abortion.
Six years later Pam and I began Post Abortion Ministries (P×A×M), a Christian literature and educational outreach to people struggling with post-abortion trauma. Through this ministry, I have now met, spoken with, and counseled many men who hurt from an experience with abortion. Some are like me, married to or dating a post-abortion woman. Others directly participated in the abortion of their own child. All struggled with the act of abortion.
Our society has downplayed the role of men in the abortion decision, as well as the affect the abortion has on men, for too long a time. Have you ever heard or read one of the following or something similar?
-Abortion is a woman’s concern.
-Men don’t hurt from abortions.
-Someone is trying to put you on a guilt-trip.
-Act like a man. Strong men don’t cry.
Most men have, but make no mistake:
-Abortion is not only a woman’s concern.
-Men do hurt from abortions.
-No one is trying to put you on a guilt-trip, your own involvement in abortion has done that.
-Acting like a man means facing up to what you did and dealing with it by applying God’s Word to your life.
It may also include crying tears of sorrow and anguish.
It is my prayer that as you study through Silent Sorrow, you will come to know the forgiveness, comfort, peace, and hope that only God can give. Please diligently study each lesson. Carefully read the Scriptures given or referenced. Think about them. Ask God to help you each day to apply His Word to your life.
May God richly bless you as you learn to walk with Him in a deeper, more meaningful relationship.
Because God loves you,
Leigh F. Koerbel
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u The Benefits of this Bible Study
1. Guidance from the Holy Spirit. (John 16:13)
2. Encouragement from the Scriptures. (Romans 15:4)
3. Preparation for spiritual warfare. (Ephesians 6: 10-11)
4. Confession and prayer. (James 5:15-16)
5. Comfort. (2 Corinthians 1:3-4)
6. Healing from our Lord. (Acts 3:16)
7. A closer walk with Jesus. (2 Peter 1:3-4)
All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching,
rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness;
2 Timothy 3:16
This verse tells us that all Scripture is profitable for:
Doctrine -- something we are to believe
Reproof -- something we are to stop doing
Correction -- something we are to do better
Instruction in Righteousness -- something we are to start doing
u Getting Started for Individuals and Groups
It’s easy to get started with this study. The following suggestions will assist you:
1. The purpose of this Bible Study is to support and encourage you. Commit yourself to completing every lesson.
2. Do you know someone who will be your prayer partner? This is not a must, but is strongly recommended.
3. Pray before you begin each study, asking the Holy Spirit to teach and show you how the Scriptures may be applied to your life today.
4. Approach your studies with a positive attitude.
5. Be willing to pause for prayer during the study, especially if God is tugging at your heart God knows the deep things of your heart, even before a single word touches your lips.
6. Be persistent in prayer and wait on God.
7. Expect to receive the Lord’s help. Rely on Him. Hold fast to Him.
u The Benefits of a Group Bible Study
A group setting provides an environment of unity and fellowship. Loving concern and encouragement enables individuals in the group to talk about their innermost burdens and bring them before the Lord for His help. He is the key to forgiveness, comfort, peace, and hope.
Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.
u Group Guidelines and Responsibilities
1. This is an seven week Bible study that will meet once a week for approximately 2 1/2 hours.
2. Make a commitment to be faithful in attendance and punctuality. Bring your Bible every week.
3. Be certain to telephone your group leader as soon as possible if you cannot attend a meeting so that it can be rescheduled.
4. Maintain the confidentiality of other group members. Do not discuss their experiences without permission.
5. Plan at least two hours to complete each lesson. Your schedule may permit you to do a section each day or two or three on one day. Whatever you do, don’t cheat yourself by waiting until the last minute to complete your homework.
6. Many of the questions in the studies do not have right or wrong answers. Answer each question honestly. You will not be judged or graded on your intellectual prowess or your level of spirituality.
7. Agree to worship our Lord together and to participate in group discussions. Be willing to give honest feedback.
8. When other men share their thoughts and feelings, listen. Each of you is a member of the same family.
9. Each man comes to the group with different life experiences, so don’t expect to feel exactly the same as other men do.
u Men Who Struggle with Post Abortion Trauma
Unrealized numbers of men struggle with abortion’s painful mental, emotional, and spiritual consequences. These consequences are called post-abortion trauma. Although it may not be evident immediately, the life of every man who becomes involved in an abortion decision changes forever as a result of that decision.
Check the reason(s) you are struggling with post-abortion trauma:
ÿ Assisted a friend, daughter, girlfriend, or wife in obtaining an abortion (e.g., drove her to the clinic, paid for the abortion, etc.)
ÿ Knew about the pregnancy and “pushed” for the abortion
ÿ Knew about the pregnancy and consented unwillingly to the abortion
ÿ Knew about the pregnancy and did nothing to stop the abortion
ÿ Knew about the abortion beforehand, but willingly consented to it
ÿ Knew about the abortion before it occurred and tried to stop it
ÿ Did not know about the abortion beforehand, but found out later
ÿ Married to or dating a woman with an abortion in her past
u Abortion’s Mental, Spiritual, and Emotional Consequences
Some of the consequences men face following involvement with an abortion are similar to those of the post-abortion woman. Other consequences are unique to men.
Consequences similar to those women experience include:
Loneliness because he believes there is no one he can talk with about the abortion
Shame and fear of others finding out (particularly if his wife wants to go “public” about her abortion)
Denial and/or blame shifting
Alcohol and/or drug abuse to help forget
Guilt over sins such as immoral sexual acts which led to the abortion; the act of abortion itself
Sleeplessness and nightmares
Betrayal of trust in his relationship (or broken relationship) with the woman
General feelings of sadness
Grief over the loss of the child and/or loss of the relationship with the woman
Depression, mental breakdown
Fear of punishment from God
Difficulty accepting God’s forgiveness
Difficulty forgiving others (particularly the woman who aborted his child)
Thoughts of suicide
Consequences unique to men:
Anger or hostility over the abortion or the issue in general; lack of fathers’ rights; against women
Helplessness that our laws negate a father’s moral rights
Emptiness because he feels robbed of his child(ren)
Powerlessness in the situation to protect his child(ren)
Because of abortion laws which denied him the right to stop the abortion
About the woman’s feelings
Because of his own unexpected feelings
Guilt either because he couldn’t stop the abortion or because he didn’t want to stop the abortion
Belief that God won’t forgive him for his role in advocating the abortion decision or for his inability or negligence in stopping the abortion
You may be a bit surprised or feel a little awkward, especially if you have just seen some of your unspoken feelings in print for the first time, but take courage because:
But now, this is what the LORD says ¾ be who created you,
O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel:
“Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
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Distributed by www.KoerbelEnterprises.com
First Post Abortion Ministries (P×A×M) edition, December 1999
Second Edition, February 2011
This edtion is lovingly dedicated to Leigh Koerbel,
who in life lived by faith and in death lives with Christ.
Throughout this workbook, the words “abortion” and “child” are used in the singular form for purposes of writing ease only and are not intended to imply that help and forgiveness is limited to just one abortion.
Silent Sorrow has been adapted from the Bible study, Rainbows in the Night: Hope after Abortion, by Debra S. Jones.
The words “Post Abortion Ministries (P×A×M)” are a registered trademark of Pamela J. Koerbel.
Questions from Serendipity New Testament for Groups are used with permission of Serendipity House, Littleton, Colorado.
All Scripture is taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 1987 International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Bible Publishers, Grand Rapids, Michigan.
The text of this workbook, the "Two Hands" drawing, and any other artwork are protected by copyright law. No part of this workbook may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior written permission of Pamela J. Koerbel.
Copyright 1999-2014 P J Koerbel
All Rights Reserved